By Stacey O’Connell LCPC, PMH-C, Certified Bereavement Care Provider

Mindfulness and self-compassion have become quite the buzz words in recent years.  Used without careful consideration, they can lose their impact and hit the ear with the sugary sweetness of cotton candy and just about the same amount of nourishment.

On the other hand, applied with intentionality these practices can have a positive impact on mood management and motivation.  As an added bonus, because self compassion and mindfulness share a lot of the same concepts, they can make each other stronger.

Both mindfulness and self-compassion address removing judgment from our reactions to events, and looking at them factually. Practicing mindfulness can be a helpful tool in addressing the difficult moments during which our emotions seem to be ruling the roost.  Narrowing our focus and reflecting on what we are feeling right now can help us recognize patterns and identify influences creating empowerment that can help us form healthier responses to our emotions.  Self--compassion can help us look at those patterns and influences with a kinder lens, reduce judgment of self and others and connect with people who have experienced similar experiences.  With practice, pairing these two concepts can help develop a gentle approach to connecting with our most genuine self and choosing kinder ways of thinking.

You may be wondering how mindfulness and self-compassion can impact motivation.  Recent science has shown that multitasking is really not as helpful as it was once thought to be.  Multitasking, which is really just task switching, may feel more productive in the moment, but it can also lead to burn out and exhaustion. Mindfully approaching one task at a time can be a positive way to reduce feelings of overwhelm and increase confidence that each task was done to the best of your ability.  When you start experiencing lists of tasks done well and on-time, your confidence and motivation grow.  

Pairing that with compassion for yourself when a task (or a whole day) does go poorly is proven to have less impact on motivation than embracing negative thoughts about being “good enough”.  When you are dependent on self-esteem and accumulating accolades to fuel your energy you are giving power to outside accomplishments and many things that are outside of your control.  There is new research emerging that demonstrates gently applying compassionate thoughts, and connecting to the idea that others have experienced similar outcomes, provides encouragement to continue working towards a goal after facing obstacles more effectively than using goal completion as the primary means of self esteem and motivation.

What are some ways to practice mindfulness and self-compassion?  A good beginning is to set an intention for the day, to meditate, or to focus on one task at a time.  “Everyday Mindfulness” by National Geographic is a wonderful resource on looking at mindfulness throughout the day, creating mini routines that allow for mindful actions at different times in our day, and that encourage reflection on relationship building and honoring emotions.  Setting an intention should be simple, to the point, and easy to remember.  “I will be patient today.” is a good example of an intention that can improve the quality of your day, both through personal interactions, and through the way that you think about your progress.  You would be surprised at how much simply not reacting to the person who cut you off in traffic can elevate your mood.  

Meditation can be a difficult and confusing practice to start.  There are lots of great resources available for guidance and support if this is something you would like to try.  Ten Percent Happier is a book that has a lot of good information, stories of relatable personal experience, and a companion app that provides good context for effective meditation.  There are a lot of misperceptions out there that the point of meditation is to achieve a completely blank mind, and this is not essential to reap the benefits of meditation.  Practiced consistently and without the intent of being perfect, meditation can increase our ability to respond calmly to stressors, recognize a need for gentle self-correction, and be more accepting of the ebb and flow of our emotions.

Another suggestion I recently heard was to use random things in our environment as reminders to do things that are important to us, or ways of thinking that are helpful.  For example, each time we stop at a stop sign, we can remind ourselves to take our time to pause and enjoy our life.  Each time we hit the on button for our coffee maker, we can think of someone or something we are grateful for.  Both of these can build connections and be sweet and simple mood boosters.

Because mindfulness and self-compassion both address judgment, as your mindfulness practice develops, it becomes much more intuitive to approach things non-judgmentally and with flexibility.  As you increase your ability to see situations without labeling them as “good” or “bad”, you begin to feel more empowered to balance the difficulties and joys of life.  Practicing mindfulness allows you to navigate the difficult moments with less intensity while continuing to find joy in the in between.  Self-compassion allows you to take responsibility without blame and increase your capacity to continue embracing the values that you find most fulfilling.  

When you are able to reduce judgment of self or others it creates a capacity to be more observant of what is happening in the world around you with less of a toll on your mood. Having a deeper awareness of mood management can help you protect your motivation from the losses that occur when our emotions do a deep dive.  Recognizing that we are not alone in the struggle is also helpful at feeling validated and getting back on track.

Practicing mindfulness  and self-compassion together may feel like a daunting task.  We can start by choosing small, intentional changes in how we start our day and how we respond to our frustrations.  It is likely that we will notice subtle shifts in our responses and feel more accepting of the ups and downs we all experience in life.