Your kids are playing together in their playroom, and you hear them fighting over the SAME toy they've been fighting over all day. You have already told them to stop and find their toys to play with, but like always, they are not listening. So on the tenth time of trying to keep the energy level down, you begin screaming at the top of your lungs, "STOP IT ALREADY. I CAN'T DEAL WITH THIS." Immediately following, you feel this intense wave of guilt and shame. You may even question if your kids deserve a better mom.
Do you feel like all you do is yell? Does your anger overflow? Do you get mad and scream at your kids when they are playing? If you answered yes to these questions, you might be experiencing Mommy Rage. Yes, this is a real thing and is more common than you think.
Rage is an intense moment of anger that becomes uncontrollable. Mommy Rage is a known Perinatal Mood and Anxiety (PMAD) symptom moms experience, and many suffer in silence.
Rage will look different in each person, and some general ideas on how rage could manifest.
Feeling depleted and irritable
Living in fight and reactionary mode
Raising your voice and yelling
Snapping at your partner or your kids
Feeling overstimulated and overwhelmed
Exploding and throwing things
Experiencing violent thoughts or urges
Feeling like you don't have control over your rage
Navigating big emotions can be overstimulating, leaving many feelings depleted as if they have failed their children. You may ask yourself, why would I ever talk to my kids this way? What is wrong with me?
You need a safe space to talk about your feelings.
Moms need more support and space to talk about their emotions without feeling judgment, shame, or the fear of losing their children. We want you to know that it is okay to experience big emotions, and learning to regulate and deregulate yourself is essential and helps model behavior for your children as they confront their big feelings.
Here are some ways to manage the mommy rage you may be feeling.
Try and identify what fills your cup with joy
Allow yourself to take a time outs
Ask for help from your support system
Connect with a professional for help
The manifestation of mommy rage will look different for every mom. Some factors could be stress, sleep deprivation, lack of nutrition, loss of resources, and household management. We know this is hard, and we want you to understand that your story matters and you are not alone.
So what's next...
If you feel you may be experiencing anything we have mentioned above or other symptoms, our specially trained pregnancy and postpartum therapists can teach you evidence-based strategies to help you gain control over emotional triggers and learn to cope in a way that promotes greater healing and peace. To schedule an appointment contact us.