Discernment Therapy - Therapy for Couples on the Brink

Discernment Counseling: Helping You Make the Right Decision for Your Relationship

Are You Uncertain About the Future of Your Relationship?
If you or your spouse are considering divorce but are not completely sure that’s the best path, you are in a tough spot. Discernment Counseling is designed for couples like you who are at a crossroads and need a clear path forward. It’s a chance to slow down, take a breath, and evaluate your options for your marriage in a neutral, compassionate environment.

What is Discernment Counseling?
Discernment Counseling is a new way of helping couples where one person is “leaning out” of the relationship and not sure that regular marriage counseling would help, and the other is “leaning in”—that is, interested in rebuilding the marriage. It’s tailored for couples who are stuck in a state of indecision, unsure whether they should continue their relationship or move toward separation.

This short-term process offers an opportunity for you and your partner to gain clarity and confidence about your future. You will each have individual conversations with the counselor to reflect on your feelings and your relationship. The goal is not to solve your marital problems but to assess whether they are solvable and whether restoring your marriage is a realistic option. At the end of the sessions, you’ll have a clearer sense of the direction you want to take, whether that’s working to rebuild your relationship, moving toward divorce, or deciding to take a pause and revisit the decision later.

How Does Discernment Counseling Work?
Discernment Counseling typically involves a maximum of 5 sessions, with the first session lasting 2 hours and the subsequent sessions lasting 1.5 to 2 hours. During the sessions, you will come in as a couple, but the most important work occurs during one-to-one conversations with the counselor. This is because each partner is often coming from a different emotional place—one may be “leaning in,” wanting to restore the marriage, while the other may feel they are “leaning out,” unsure about continuing.

The counselor will respect each spouse’s reasons for potentially ending the relationship while also helping the “leaning-out” partner to consider the possibility of restoring the marriage. Each session will encourage you to explore your own contributions to the relationship’s challenges and potential solutions. Even if the marriage doesn’t work out, this introspective process can help you understand your role in the relationship and be useful in future connections.

The Goal of Discernment Counseling
The primary goal of Discernment Counseling is to help you gain clarity and confidence about the future of your relationship. It’s not about fixing your marriage immediately but about assessing whether the issues you are facing are solvable. You will both be treated with respect and compassion, regardless of where you stand emotionally about the relationship. There are no “good guys” or “bad guys” in the process; the aim is simply to determine whether working through the difficulties is a feasible path for both of you.

When is Discernment Counseling Not Suitable?
Discernment Counseling is not appropriate if:

• One spouse has already made a final decision to divorce.

• One spouse is coercing the other to participate.

• There is a danger of domestic violence.

Why Choose Discernment Counseling?
If you and your partner are facing indecision about whether to stay together or part ways, Discernment Counseling can help you gain clarity. Whether you're leaning out and unsure if couples therapy is the right option, or you're leaning in and wanting to rebuild your relationship, this process helps you explore all possibilities and make a decision with confidence.

By the end of your sessions, you will have a deeper understanding of your relationship and the direction that feels right for both of you, whether that means attempting to restore your marriage, moving forward with a divorce, or taking a temporary break to consider your options.

Frequently Asked Questions About Discernment Counseling

How is Discernment Counseling different from regular couples therapy?
Unlike couples therapy, which works to strengthen the relationship, Discernment Counseling is designed to help you make a decision about whether or not to stay in the relationship. The focus is on clarity, not reconciliation.

What if we choose to separate?
If you decide to separate, we will help guide you through the process of parting ways respectfully and constructively. While we do not provide divorce counseling, we can offer referrals to professionals who specialize in this area if needed.

Can this process help save my relationship?
For some couples, Discernment Counseling can provide the space needed to rebuild their relationship. However, it is a decision-making process, not a guaranteed solution for reconciliation. If you choose to stay together, the next step is often a commitment to couples therapy.

Will we need more sessions after Discernment Counseling?
If you choose to pursue couples therapy, we offer a range of services, including Gottman Method Couples Therapy, to help you continue working on your relationship.

Contact Us Today
If you and your partner are struggling with indecision about the future of your marriage, Discernment Counseling may be just the solution you need. Reach out today to schedule your first session and start gaining the clarity you both need to move forward.