I remember vividly what it was like for my husband and I when we brought our son home from the hospital. I was recovering from a c-section and our son was not easy to nurse.  We were immediately exhausted from the sleepless nights and felt like zombies. I remember my partner once rocking a blanket we had on our bed thinking it was our son. We barely had enough energy to watch TV together, much less connect in any meaningful way. 

One of the top comments I hear from my postpartum clients is that they don’t feel a connection with their partner after they bring their baby home. You’re exhausted, you’re busy, your time is not your own. You and your partner are trying to find a new rhythm that works for you and your family. It is easy for your relationship to go on the back burner. But your relationship existed before you became parents and it’s important to invest in that relationship. And the good news is- it doesn’t have to be a hard endeavor to take on. 

One easy and accessible tool you can use to connect with your partner is downloading the Gottman Card Decks on your phone.

These card decks have many prompts from engaging in open ended questions and even have “spicy” card decks to reignite the fire when you are ready. These card decks are the perfect way for busy couples to touch base and reconnect. 

Communication is key during this time of transition as well. Neither one of you are mind readers and open communication is important so that both of your needs are known and met. So often when needs are not communicated and go unknown, resentment can build and this can be kindling for future arguments. Having a stress-reducing conversation at the end of the day can be helpful for both. This means prioritizing a daily check-in so both of you have an opportunity to vent and share positive and negative feelings that come up during the day. Even a 5 min focused (put the phone down and look into each other’s eyes) conversation allows the chance for the partner to offer support and/or empathy and can immediately help both parties release stress and frustration. 

Finally, never be afraid to touch base with a couples counselor. It can feel intimidating to reach out and acknowledge that your relationship could use a boost. But just as you would take your car into the shop if the check engine light came on, you would want to talk to a professional if your relationship was hitting a rough spot. Thrive therapists are trained in Gottman relationship counseling techniques and can help provide you and your partner with tools and resources to help you and your partner connect again and find that new dynamic that works for you both.