Nothing can prepare you for life after the loss of a pregnancy. Not only do you feel the immense pain from losing the baby you were waiting for, but suddenly you are thrust into a world of sadness and confusion. Most struggle with the shock of it all and with the lack of answers as to why the unthinkable happened to them. Almost all loss parents feel alone in their grief process and note pressure from the outside world to stop feeling sad and move on with their lives. 

What we desperately want you to know is that there is no timeline for grief, ALL your feelings are valid and you are not alone.

We understand that you are not just grieving the loss of your pregnancy but also the dream of becoming a family and all the firsts you had planned to celebrate. 

This loss is filled with so many variables, a revolving door of emotions and grief. In the search for answers or healing, it's important for you to:

  • Embrace your capacity

  • Honor what you need in any given moment

  • Feel all of your feelings

  • Ask for help

Each of the above will come in time when you are ready, so don’t force or pressure yourself into social situations faster than you feel comfortable. As you navigate your healing journey and learn ways to prioritize your mental health, you will learn to identify self-care strategies that serve you the most. You will need to work towards giving yourself a lot of grace. It is also important that you learn to let go of others' unhelpful comments and expectations on how you should navigate your journey. Oftentimes those who love you have a hard time with allowing you to sit in your grief due to their own discomfort. You will need to teach your supporters what helps and doesn’t help your grief process. For example, you may need to tell them that you like to talk about the baby you lost and you want them to acknowledge the loss by saying his or her name. When you are able to reframe and set boundaries, you will be able to free yourself from the anger which may grow inside. Again, “all your feelings are valid”, it is just really important to prioritize your own needs over others' reactions to you and know it’s okay to not be okay.

“ There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside of you,”

Maya Angelo

The manifestation of grief can be felt both physically and emotionally. Depending on what your experience has been like, creating an understanding on how grief and trauma is stored within the physical body can also help. Self-care practices like mindful movement, medication, journaling and therapy can help you cope with this unimaginable loss so you can embrace it as part of your story and find ways to carry the love you feel for your baby meaningfully forward. 

So what’s next....

Therapy provides you with a compassionate space where you can let go and share your story with someone who can provide you with unbiased support. A qualified mental health professional can help you process all the different aspects of your human experience while developing strategies for functioning on a daily basis. In time, you can gain control over emotional triggers and learn to cope with your grief in a way that promotes greater healing and peace. To schedule an appointment,  Thrive Postpartum, Couples and Family Therapists can be reached by text or phone at 224-698-9792. Alternatively you can also schedule an appointment online. We look forward to hearing from you.